The Health of a Marriage: A Doctor’s Perspective
At Orleans Family Health Clinic (OFHC), we understand that health is more than just physical. It encompasses every aspect of your life, including your relationships. As family doctors, we see firsthand how a strong, committed relationship can be a powerful determinant of health. A good marriage is often equated to a healthy diet and regular exercise in its ability to prevent disease and improve survival rates from conditions like cardiovascular disease and cancer.
So, how do you build and maintain a healthy marriage? Here are a few words of advice based on years of observing relationships, with a focus on both red flags to avoid and green flags to embrace.
Red Flags to Watch Out For
Before you even get to the stage of marital maintenance, it’s crucial to choose the right partner. Avoiding a “jerk” is a good place to start. Look for these red flags:
- Negative Attitudes and Poor Impulse Control: A partner who shames and blames during arguments and can’t control their emotions is a significant warning sign. Respect, even during a fight, is non-negotiable.
- Emotional Abuse: Be wary of a partner who blasts anger with every frustration or insists that only their perspective is valid. This behavior is a form of emotional abuse and can be damaging over time.
- Lack of Support: A partner who isn’t there for you during times of stress or who fails to celebrate your successes is not a true partner in life.
Green Flags for Marital Maintenance
Once you’ve found a good partner, the work of staying happily married begins. It’s a continuous effort that involves constant communication and mutual respect.
The Five Fs of a Healthy Relationship Functional couples are able to openly discuss and navigate the big issues. Consider having candid discussions about what you and your partner want regarding the Five Fs:
Family: How do you handle in-laws and parenting?
Finances: How will you manage your money and make financial decisions?
Fighting: How will you handle disagreements and resolve conflict fairly?
Faith: How will you navigate spiritual or religious beliefs?
Sexual Relations: How will you maintain intimacy and connection?
The Gottman Method: Bids for Attention According to researchers John and Julie Gottman, the key to a strong marriage is how partners respond to “bids for attention.” These can be small, everyday attempts to connect. In a healthy relationship, a partner “turns towards” the bid with attention and positivity, showing they are engaged. Dismissive or contemptuous responses, however, can slowly erode trust and commitment.
The “Four Horsemen” to Avoid Gottman identifies four behaviors that can destroy a relationship:
- Criticism: An attack on a partner’s character rather than a complaint about a specific behavior.
- Contempt: Treating a partner with disrespect, sarcasm, or ridicule. This is the most damaging of the four.
- Defensiveness: Blaming the partner instead of taking responsibility for one’s own actions.
- Stonewalling: Withdrawing from the conversation to avoid conflict.
At OFHC, we know that mental and emotional well-being are just as important as physical health. If you are struggling with personal or family issues, please know that we are a resource for you. Our goal is to provide comprehensive care that supports all aspects of your health.
Stay Connected with Orleans Family Health Clinic!
If you found this article helpful, don’t forget to like, share, and Follow to stay up to date on our latest health tips, updates, and wellness advice.
And follow us on social media
Disclaimer: The medical information on this site is provided as an information resource only and is not to be used or relied on for any diagnostic or treatment purposes. This information does not substitute for professional diagnosis and treatment. Please do not initiate, modify, or discontinue any treatment, medication, or supplement solely based on this information. Always seek the advice of your healthcare provider first. Full Disclaimer.
